So, with that in mind, I'm going to keep this one brief.
Moyer is so old he's the only active Major Leaguer who can tell you where he was when John F. Kennedy was assassinated. He's also so old that he's pitched in 50 different big league ballparks...and of the current parks, all but six were constructed after Moyer made his debut in 1986.
Lastly, he's so old that when his Colorado Rockies dropped the San Diego Padres last April 17, the lefty became the oldest player ever to record a big league victory.
And now, sitting just 31 wins from 300, Moyer has no plans to give up pitching.
"I'm not retired, I'm not retired. I'm just kind of laying in the weeds and just trying to figure out what's going on," Moyer said this past July after being released by the Baltimore Orioles. "I'm just going to step back after the season and assess what's going on."
Alright, I took you on this brief trip down memory lane solely to get to this.
Two weeks ago, the ageless pitcher was treated to a surprise celebratory "Roast and Toast" during the Moyer Foundation's annual Celebrity Golf Outing. Among the birthday well wishers...former teammates John Olerud, Edgar Martinez, Jim Sundberg and, believe it or not, Hall of Famer Nolan Ryan.
But if this clip is any indication, Ryan needs to stick to being a bitter old Texan...and lose the comedy routine.