John Axford Owned the Academy Awards

Conventional wisdom would dictate that if you spend enough time on the road as a professional baseball player, you've seen more than your share of movies.

And if you're Milwaukee Brewers closer John Axford and you also happen to a self-proclaimed "Film Aficionado" (and film major in college)...you probably had an opinion on what was going to take home the top prize during Sunday night's Academy Awards ceremony.

Prior to the awards show, Axford hit the Twitters and revealed his picks for 15 of the categories.  And, suffice it to say, dude did alright.

The only pick he got wrong?  Axford went with Steven Spielberg for Best Director whereas the Oscar went to Ang Lee.  That said, it's probably good that "The Ax Man" didn't take any Best Picture advice from Jose Canseco.

Ooops.


 

Jose Canseco is Podcasting Now

If you think about it for a second...how did this take this long?

Just in time for whatever holiday it is you celebrate this time of year, Jose Canseco has announced that he is starting up his own podcast...appropriately called "Canseco Knows Best".

Frankly, I couldn't be more excited.

What's the format going to be?  Are the podcasts going to be like his "video blogs" over at steroid.com are something similar to what he did this past April with The Champs?

Or will it be something completely different?  Only one man knows for sure...and only Speak Away Broadcasting has the balls enough to put the former big leaguer behind the mic.

And, no, I've never heard of it either.

But here's the second best part (the first part being the podcast itself), Canseco is hitting up his Twitter followers (all 485,000 of them) for help.

Baseball fever, gang...catch it!

Jose Canseco...Not a Barack Obama Fan

It wasn't long after Barack Obama was declared the winner Tuesday night that Twitter really, really exploded.

Naturally, the baseball world's favorite Twitterer, Jose Canseco, spoke his mind as well.  Suffice it to say, it might be fair to say that the embattled slugger might be a Mitt Romney fan.

Unfortuantely, the one-time MVP had nothing to say about Texas' 23rd District race between Pete "Don't Call me Mike" Gallego and Francisco Canseco.  Oh...Gallego won.

Canseco's Championship Ring Fails to Sell

As if Jose Canseco wasn't already out there every day trying to make a buck off his name...now, it appears, his friends are as well.

That said, it should come as no surprise to anyone that the embattled slugger's 1988 American League Championship ring did not sell this past weekend on eBay.

And that's probably for a variety of reasons.

First, it was once Jose Canseco's and, honestly, anytime you see his name attached to anything, you've gotta wonder if he's behind it.

Next, it's his 1988 ALCS ring.  Not his 1989 (or 2000 for that matter) World Series ring.  Sure, dude went 40/40 and won the MVP that year, but the team itself won diddly.

Lastly...the $100,000 price tag.  By comparison, Joe DiMaggio's 1951 World Series ring is currently at auction and only expected to fetch half the asking price of the Canseco ring.

Jose Canseco Looking to Join WWE

I'm not sure what desperation smells like...but I'm fairly certain it reeks of Axe body spray and looks like this.

That's right, gang. Our good friend Jose Canseco is back on the Twitters and this time, he's asking WWE for a job.

Sure, the wrestling outfit is known for giving embattled pros second and, even, third chances at legitimacy (both Pete Rose and Mike Tyson are members of their Hall of Fame), but something tells me they'll stay far away from this one. You see, this isn't the first time the embattled big leaguer has tried to get in the ring.

This year.

Matter of fact, in the past twelve months, dude has tried everything in his power to get between the ropes.
Last October, it was announced that Canseco would square off, for some reason, against "notorious White House gatecrasher" Tareq Salahi. Salahi was subsequently replaced by former All-Star outfielder Lenny Dykstra. "Nails" then bailed...and the fight was shelved.

That, of course, led to the now infamous Twitter war between the one-time American League MVP and basketball legend Shaquille O'Neal. And, no, despite Shaq's pleas...UFC president Dana White wasn't aboout to bite.

"I have a buddy in Boston trying to make (the fight) happen," White told The Hall exclusively. "Listen, I'm friends with Shaq and he doesn't want that. Can you imagine if he got clipped by Jose Canseco? (Laughs)."

So where else to turn?

A ha! Ever heard of TNA, er, Impact Wrestling? No?!? You better believe Jose Canseco has. More than a few times.

This is a lot of effort for a guy who, in March 2011, (in)famously sent his twin brother Ozzie to a "celebrity" boxing match in his place.

And, yes, I went this entire post without making a steroid reference...pretty hard to do when talking about (A) Jose Canseco and (B) the world of professional wrestling.

Dana White: Shaq "Doesn't Want" Canseco

Plenty of stuff has transpired since Shaquille O'Neal first hit the Twittersphere and tweeted his desire to fight Jose Canseco.

For O'Neal, an entire NBA season came and went which made the basketball legend (and current studio analyst) incredibly busy. 

But not all that shocking, Canseco has had his hands full as well.  Since he was first challenged by the 7'1" bohemoth, the former American League MVP has quit two baseball teams, joined a third and, recently, filed for bankruptcy protection.

Which makes me wonder...could this fight be a way for the embattled slugger to get out of debt?

One guy that might have an inside scoop on whether or not the two heavyweights might don the gloves and enter the ring is Dana White.  As you might recall, both O'Neal and Canseco, while tweeting back and forth this past fall, included the UFC President in their war of words.

"I have a buddy in Boston trying to make (the fight) happen," White told The Hall exclusively.  "Listen, I'm friends with Shaq and he doesn't want that.  Can you imagine if he got clipped by Jose Canseco?  (Laughs)."

No...I can't.  But I'd watch.

Jose Canseco is Selling Beer Now

If you happened to be watching the Home Run Derby in Kansas City Monday night, you saw a familiar face trying to sell you beer.

Former big league MVP Jose Canseco did a few market specific commercials for Old Milwaukee proclaiming that, just like him (and baseball)...the beer is back.

Perhaps my favorite is this one though.

Props to the fine folks over at Funny or Die (according to Canseco's manager, they produced the spots) for convincing dude to finally allowing himself to be in on the joke. 

And even more impressive...the "Canseco" jersey and cap.

Canseco Not Leaving Team..."Is a Warrior"

Depending on who (and what website) you pay attention to, Jose Canseco's stint (stunt?) with the Worcester Tornadoes might be over.

You see, Cameron Monger, one of the former big leaguer's teammates, tweeted the following early Friday morning:

Monger has since deleted the tweet, but, thankfully...it didn't disappear from the internets.  So what does that mean...is the former American League MVP staying or leaving?!?

Just as confused as you...I did what I always do.  I reached out to friend of The Hall, Canseco's agent, Jose Melendez.

"No he is not leaving the team. He has had some nagging serious injuries and the team wants him to heal," Melendez explained to me.  "Jose is stubborn and still playing hurt and will continue to play because that what he loves to do. He is a warrior."

I can't blame Canseco for time off honestly.  Dude turns 48 in a couple of weeks and in 64 at bats, he's hitting just .188 with 21 strikeouts.

Jose Canseco Continues to Not Disappoint

Are you like me...were you ecstatic to find out that Jose Canseco had gotten another chance at pro ball when he signed a one-year deal to play for the Worcester Tornadoes?

It guaranteed us all at least another year of  "Cansecomaniacs" getting their fill of Canseco infused shenanagins.

Well, sometimes, the punchlines write themselves.

According to Deadspin, the embattled former slugger has hit on "about a half dozen" female employees aged 19-23 at a Worcester restaurant he's been frequenting.  Apparently, Canseco even slipped his digits (below) to a 19-year-old hostess.

So has he been striking out?

"Not even a foul tip," says the Deadspin tipster, "just straight swinging through."

I'm not sure what's worse...dude trying (and failing) to score some ass in person or trolling for it via Twitter.

And since you're wondering (you weren't), the former American League MVP is batting .188 through four games so far this young season.

Jose Canseco Wants Your Vote

Finally.  Tthere's a name for those of us out there that can't get enough of Jose Canseco's antics... "Cansecomaniacs".

Well, at least that's what he called his flock Wednesday night when he decided to use social media to try and get selected to the 2012 MLB All-Star Game.

More than ten years after his last big league appearance.

Here's how it all went down.

Haters and Cansecomaniacs. Let's do history. Please write me in MLB all star ballot. That's all I ask. One wish in whole world.

But, how about a link, Jose?

I think u can write me in as a dh for American league. http://m.mlb.com/asg/ballot You can choose me as an a's red sox rangers rays

Aaaaah...thanks.

I'm going to tell you...I kinda want this to happen.  I mean, the game itself (regardless of whether or not the commish tells us "it counts") is pretty much a joke.  Why not give a starting nod to a write-in candidate?

And if the former American League MVP can get his 466,000-plus Twitter followers to each vote at least ten times...it would be more than enough to earn a starting gig.

In case you forgot, this season's MidSummer Classic is July 10 at Kauffman Stadium in Kansas City.  Incidentally, Canseco batted .260 with 12 home runs and 44 RBI in his 310 plate appearances at "The K".

To write-in Canseco, head on over to MLB.com.

Jose Canseco is Back in Baseball...Again

I've said it before and I'ma say it again...I can't seem to quit Jose Canseco.  Sersiously, the guy hasn't picked up a bat and swung at Major League pitching in more than a decade, yet, every day, he's making headlines.

Friday morning was no different.

Apparently, the Worcester Tornadoes are the latest team to buy into the hype.  They signed the 47-year-old slugger to a one-year contract.

"We expect Jose to bring a lot of excitement to Hanover Insurance Park at Fitton Field," said Tornadoes General Manager Jorg Bassiacos. "He brings vast, high-level Major League experience to the team and we expect him to be a very strong contributor. We are looking forward to a very successful season."

I get it...it's a publicity stunt, and the Tornadoes will find themselves in the news.  But let's not confuse that with "success" on the field.

Last season, while the former American League MVP was playing for and managing the Yuma Scorpions he'd send his brother out in his place (allegedly), once put himself in as his team's starting pitcher, brought in octogenarian Tony Phillips and, ultimately, threatened to sue the franchise.

I suppose all of that is better than trolling for ass on Twitter though, right?

Best of luck to all!

Jose Canseco is Looking for Tail on Twitter

As if Jose Canseco's routine public Twitter meltdowns weren't bad enough...there's this from The Blemish.

The other day, Jose Canseco hypothesized that global warming could have saved Titanic. Now we find out he’s been trying to hook-up with girls through Twitter's direct messaging system for the past few months despite have a girlfriend (I think?).

Yipes.  Below is his conversation with random Tweetster Jamila Marie.

And if that exchance wasn't bad enough...he went on to hit on some girl calling herself @actuallyAngie. His DM...“Your very pretty how old are you.”

Well, well, Mr. Canseco...seems to me you've got some 'splaining to do since anyone who follows you knows how, daily, you profess your love to Leila Shennib.

Buy Jose Canseco's Cap!

I'd like to imagine that my buddy Seth Swirsky is currently dusting off his mantle, preparing for the arrival of the next piece to his already impressive memorabilia shrine.

Why?

The cap that then-Texas Rangers outfielder Jose Canseco was wearing on May 26, 1993 is up for auction.  And, yes, before you ask...it's THAT cap.

Here's the rather lengthy description from Heritage Auctions.

1993 Jose Canseco Game Worn Texas Rangers Cap from "Home Run Header." Painful and humiliating. And that's just Canseco's recent life. The self-established face of the Major Leagues' steroid era likely longs for the days when the bloopers reel and a sore noggin represented the extent of his troubles. Presented is the cap the Texas Rangers outfielder was wearing as he tracked a deep fly ball off the bat of Cleveland Indians utility infielder Carlos Martinez on May 26, 1993. As Canseco felt the crunch of the warning track under his feet he was momentarily blinded by the sun, turning his head just in time to allow the ball to bounce off the top of his skull and bound upwards and over the outfield wall for an assisted homer. Canseco himself authenticates the size 7 1/2 New Era brand Rangers cap, signing the brim "Jose Canseco #33, Cleveland 5/26/93." Underside of visor holds Canseco's markered number "33," and a small pen notation "5/26/93 used," likely written in the dugout after the game when it became apparent this cap had an important future role in the collectibles market. LOA from Heritage Auctions. Pre-certified by PSA/DNA (autograph). Auction LOA from James Spence Authentication (autograph). Guide Value or Estimate: $800 - $1,200.

To make matters more surreal (yup, it's possible!), Canseco himself is hoping to purchase the cap for his personal collection.

My Rangers cap from the 4 Base Error header is in the Heritage auction right now would be great to get it back hope the bidding stays low

Now, I don't know about you, but I'm kinda hoping Canseco can someone put together the money to purchase the cap.  Anyone want to help the guy out?

***Fist pound to Big League Stew.***

Jose Canseco Tweeted His Cell Number...Again

We've all seen the "never give out your personal information" disclaimers, right?

Turns out...Jose Canseco has no use for them.

@TNADixie call me would love to do something with tna 8189036598

That's right, the embattled former big leaguer has hit the Twitters and tweeted (he's since taken it down) his phone number.  Again.

Yes, dude has done it before.  Twice.

But, here's the thing...is tweeting his phone number to the President of Impact Wrestling the worst career move for the one-time American League MVP?

Sure, he's going to get a ton of prank calls (for the record, I have yet to test it), but with more than 430,000 followers, he's bound to find SOMEONE that might have some steady work for him, right?

Right?!?

Jose Canseco's Ex Has a TV Show Now

I'm sure Alanis Morissette would, wrongly, call this "ironic", but Jose Canseco's ex-wife Jessica is set to be part of VH1's new reality trainwreck "Hollywood Exes".

I know, not really rain on your wedding day, but it's been the former big leaguer that's been banging the Twitters night and day begging for work...not his former flame.

And how exactly are either of the Cansecos "Hollywood"?  One was in Playboy and the other, well...is Jose Canseco.

This...from Billboard.

The unscripted show, which has been granted a 10-episode order by the pop culture-themed network, stars Mayte Garcia (formerly Mrs. Prince), Andrea Kelly (formerly Mrs. R. Kelly), Sheree Fletcher (formerly Mrs. Will Smith), Nicole Murphy (formerly Mrs. Eddie Murphy) and Jessica Canseco (formerly Mrs. Jose Canseco).

"These extraordinarily strong women adjusted to and endured a lot while their ex-spouses won fame and fortune defining pop culture for that moment," said Jeff Olde, executive vp original programming and production at VH1.

"Now these women must reinvent themselves again, stepping out of the long shadows cast by their famous husbands and supporting each other as they define the next stage of their lives -- this time on their own terms," he added.

Does anyone want to place bets as to whether Jose Canseco shows up on the show?

The Iron Sheik Enters the Canseco-Shaq Battle

Ladies and gentlemen...the Twitter battle (albeit mostly one-sided) between Jose Canseco and Shaquille O'Neal has just gotten crazy.

Enter The Iron Sheik.

As it turns out, the 68-year-old WWE Hall of Famer is hitting the Twitters on Tuesday...trying to mix it up with the two heavyweights.  And, really, why wouldn't he be?

The @josecanseco try to f*ck with the @shaq he not the Virgil he the real. Jose you need to f*ck with Sheikie I f*ck you old country way

He continued a few hours later with this gem.

I make the people day when they see me. The @JoseCanseco ruin people day when he talk. The dead goat shit come out of his mouth

First, off, I'm not surprised at Sheik's complete lack of discernible grammar skills, the one-time wrestling champ never was known for his grasp of the English language.  But...dude really is adept when it comes to hash tags and dropping mentions in his tweets.

Is there any way we can turn this fantasy bout between Canseco and Shaq into a Triple Threat Match?

Jose Canseco is Still Calling Out Shaq

Remember, last fall when Shaquille O'Neal asked UFC president Dana White to set up a fight between him and Jose Canseco...and the disgraced slugger accepted the challenge?

Well, much like a sitcom storyline that begins in November and lies dormant until the weeks leading up to the next sweeps period...this argument has, once again, manifested itself via the Twittersphere.

That's right, lost in the latest Canseco social media meltdown that has been going on the last couple of days is that dude is still wanting to fight the retired NBA behemoth.

First, there was this.

@shaq where are u I'm coming home .still wanna dance ? lets hook up

Then, there was this.

@shaq WHERE THE HELL R YOU ? You ask me to fight I say yes and you run and hide .r you just a big pussy ?

The former American League MVP then reached out to followers and asked the following.

does anyone know where @shaq is

Naturally...they had no answer for the disgraced slugger, because, well, no one really cares.  So, Friday night, it began again.

@shaq why are you dodgin me i promise i won't hurt you 2 bad and wont use the forearm bash you will stay pretty for tnt

As of now, the four-time NBA champ has yet to respond and, my guess is that he won't. 

Frankly, I've gotta think that Shaq is smart enough to not get caught up in Canseco's schizophrenic breakdown.  But, honestly, it's just a matter of time before the former "Bash Brother" goes back to dispensing virtual hugs, right?

Either way, the fingers are crossed.

Jose Canseco Apologizes for Juiced

Jose Canseco is like the mob.  Everytime I tell myself I'm done with him...he does something to pull me back in.

Wednesday night was no different.

In "Pulp Fiction" it was referred to as a "moment of clarity".  That said, I'm not sure what schizophrenics (or whatever Canseco is) call it.  But enough cliches...here's the bomb the former American League MVP dropped via Twitter.

I am truly sorry for hurting my teamates and friends when I wrote juiced.

Say...what?!?  Then there was this.

I have had nightmares since I wrote that book it still haunts me till today .it is my demon that never sleeps

Wow. 

Alright.  I'm not the world's biggest Canseco apologist, but his 2005 bestseller Juiced (or, if you prefer, Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits & How Baseball Got Big) actually got the whole steroids ball rolling if you think about it.

Right out the gate, dude claimed that 85% of the league was on the juice.  Sure, there's no way to substantiate that...but, it wasn't like he was off target with some of his individual finger pointing.

Among the players Canseco outs...former teammate Mark McGwire.  And after not addressing the subject for years, the slugger finally admits to it in January 2010.  Also mentioned...Rafael Palmeiro.  This, of course, led to the infamous Grand Jury testimony and, subsequently, an August 2005 suspension.

Lastly, Roger Clemens was also tabbed as being a user of performance enhancing drugs.  And while the seven-time Cy Young award winner was very dismissive of Canseco's claims...his name popped up in the Mitchell Report 82 times.

Plenty of people are going to blast Canseco and his truths, but as Hall of Famer Rollie Fingers told me a while back "you don’t see too many people suing him."

I could go on and on, but I won't.  We all know what else came after Juiced...and I'm not just referring to Vindicated.

That said, can we believe that Jose Canseco has turned over a new leaf and is the hug monster he is portraying on Twitter...or are we just witnessing his third book being played out before our eyes?

Jose Canseco Joins Mexican League Team

It seems like just yesterday (surprise...it's been 16 months!) that Jose Canseco hit the Twitters and proclaimed that "Eastbound and Down" was based on him.

Well, what he said was "Easr bound and out"...but we all know what he thinks he meant.

That said, in a case of life imitating art or art imitating Canseco or whatever...the former MVP has agreed to a deal with the Quintana Roo Tigers of the Mexican League.

“I am thrilled to be back in affiliated professional baseball,” the 47-year-old slugger said in a quote I swiped from Larry Brown Sports. “Playing and managing for the independent league Yuma Scorpions last year really rekindled my love for the game and facing the veteran players in that league made me realize that I can still hit at the major league level. I am grateful that Cancun has given me this opportunity and I hope to help them to a championship season and demonstrate that I can help a big league team.”

Canseco reports Monday for spring training.  Next stop...the Myrtle Beach Mermen!

You know, exactly like Kenny Powers.

Now I don't know about you, but I get dizzy every time I confuse Canseco and Powers since the similarities are endless.

Here's the facts...one is a washed up, self absorbed, name dropping joke of a former baseball player who, because of his involvement with steroids and what not has found himself banned from the Majors, evicted from his home and threatening to beat up anyone who looks at him the wrong way.

The other is a fictional character that can be watched on pay cable beginning next Sunday.

Kenny Powers is Back!

"Eastbound and Down" is back, baby!

And, thankfully, I've got a Kenny Powers bobblehead on my desk to remind me daily of the glory of the embattled reliever's signature mullet and the comedic stylings of Danny McBride.

This season, the last of the series by the way, Powers finds himself, again, with a new team...the fictional Myrtle Beach Mermen.  But he's not alone on this journey to the Grand Strand.  Also along for the ride are Will Ferrell, Matthew McConaughey, Jason Sudeikis and Academy Award nominee John Hawkes.

The show recently concluded its production in South Carolina at BB&T Coastal Field...the home of the Carolina League's Myrtle Beach Pelicans.

"The Myrtle Beach Pelicans are honored to share our home with the Myrtle Beach Mermen," team General Manager Scott Brown told The Hall. "It allows us to showcase our premier facility and the Grand Strand community throughout the country and world."

Season three of "Eastbound and Down" kicks off February 19 on HBO.

And, no, Jose Canseco...this show is NOT about you.