Keith Hernandez Has Done the Unthinkable

Earlier this month, New York Mets broadcaster Keith Hernandez made waves when he announced that he was planning on losing his signature lip sweater.

As you can imagine, word of the potential massacre was not well received among the mustached community.

"Keith Hernandez removing his lower nose foliage is a crime against nature akin to the Washington Monument ceasing to be phallic or Todd Akin being sane," American Mustache Institute Executive Director Dr. Aaron Perlut said.

Well, it happened.

And, yes, by "it"...I'm referring to Hernandez making good on his threat.  On Thursday, dude was publicly shaved in front of Citi Field to the delight of those on hand and in the name of charity.

"I want to thank all of my fans who supported my mustache over the years," Hernandez told the crowd of hundreds, "but it's time for it to take a back seat and let my upper lip some time to shine."

And while it might all be fun and games for the former National League MVP, his 2007 title of "Greatest Sports Mustache of All-Time" now hangs in the balance.

“His title will either be given to runner-up Rollie Fingers, an athlete and role model who has never turned his back on the Mustache American community, or we Keith’s actions may necessitate revisiting the voting effort altogether,” according to AMI chairman Dr. Aaron Perlut. “We are deeply disappointed in Hernandez and feel we have to take this action.”

However all this shakes out, here's hoping the Miami Marlins step in and offer the shorn 'stache a one day contract.

Keith Hernandez to be Stripped of Mustache Title?

Earlier this week, it was revealed that 1979 National League MVP (and current New York Mets broadcaster) Keith Hernandez was planning on shaving his mustache.

Well, suffice it to say, the American Mustache Institute was none too pleased.

"Keith Hernandez removing his lower nose foliage is a crime against nature akin to the Washington Monument ceasing to be phallic or Todd Akin being sane," said Executive Director Dr. Aaron Perlut on Tuesday.

Now, the AMI is considering stripping Hernandez of his 2007 title of "Greatest Sports Mustache of All-Time" if he goes forward with his plan to strip his face of its lower nose garden.

“His title will either be given to runner-up Rollie Fingers, an athlete and role model who has never turned his back on the Mustache American community, or Keith’s actions may necessitate revisiting the voting effort altogether,” Dr. Perlut said. “Regardless, we are deeply disappointed in Hernandez and feel we have to take this action.”

Your move, Hernandez.

Keith Hernandez Planning to, Gasp, Shave

Oh.  My .  God.

According to The New York Times, Mets broadcaster Keith Hernandez is, well, about to do the unthinkable.

The Hernandez mustache might have a month of life left in it.

He announced the possibility of shaving it last week on a Mets broadcast. But Hernandez, 58, said Monday that he might simply show up for the Mets’ final game of the season, on Oct. 3, with nothing but bare skin between his nose and upper lip.

I'm not sure what the thought process behind all this is, but the former first basemen claims it has something to do with his iconic mustache turning gray.

"I’m not totally happy with the gray," he said. "It’s something I have to get used to. I have more people, on the female side, who tell me they prefer it gray."

In 2007, Hernadez's lip sweater was named the "Top Sports Mustache of All-Time" by the American Mustache Institute.  And as one would imagine, the AMI is not pleased with the 1979 National League MVP's decision to shave.

"Keith Hernandez removing his lower nose foliage is a crime against nature akin to the Washington Monument ceasing to be phallic or Todd Akin being sane," Executive Director Dr. Aaron Perlut said Tuesday.

Now, if you'll excuse me...I need to go off to a corner and cry.

HOVG Heroes: Keith Hernandez

DEREK ERDMAN on KEITH HERNANDEZ

Tired of every day of your life melting into the next? Does existence feel like a really long crawling marathon of “Portlandia” episodes and homemade hummus plates?

WELL FRET NO MORE.

Start and end every day hanging your belonging on this cut-out Keith Hernandez bust and you'll likely start to see things in a much different light.

Did you know that Keith Hernandez sat out an entire year of high school baseball because of a dispute with his coach? Do you even know who that coach is? Of course you don't, because Keith Hernandez is the king! In the 1980s, he did ALL OF THE COCAINE. Cocaine isn't cool anymore, but it certainly was then! And he did all of it!

Just imagine all of the things that you can hang on this Keith Hernandez coat rack. Running shoes, keys, hats, fuzzy dice, RS-232 cables, ring pops, ETC. Start your day by taking your hat off of Keith Hernandez on your way to work. It'll be his way of telling you, "GO OUT THERE AND GIVE 'EM HELL!"

End each day by giving Keith Hernandez your keys after you stumble into the house wasted on Icehouse (Ice Brewed Below Freezing!) beer. Even though you've already driven yourself home in a death defying depression blur, it'll be like him saying, "Hey man, I got it from here. Get yourself some sleep and we'll stomp all over the world's face tomorrow!

I chose to make a Keith Hernandez coat rack because people just love the television show “Seinfeld” and it seemed like the kind of thing that people would buy.

Unfortunately, I've only sold two.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Derek Erdman is a painter, newspaper writer and telephone rapper who lives at 1651 23rd Ave in Seattle, WA. He lives in a green house (throw eggs are it!) with his wife Emily and two guinea pigs named Stella and Pig Pig Pig. Erdman likes to eat and lay in bed all day long.

You can check out more of his art and buy his stuff by clicking HERE!

Joey Votto...Meet Keith Hernandez

At an early age, we're taught (while playing any game) to focus on what's going on in front of us.

But, when your name is "Joey Votto"...you probably don't need to listen to my advice.

Either way, I've gotta wonder how and why the brief encounter between the Cincinnati Reds superstar and New York Mets broadcaster Keith Hernandez went down.

I'm not complaining.  I love the exchange.

It reminded me of, years ago, sitting just behind the visitor's on-deck circle at Milwaukee County Stadium and finding myself engaged in a brief chat session with then-Toronto Blue Jays star Joe Carter. 

But, and I'm completely serious here...why was Hernandez sitting so close to the field?

***Props to Drew Fairservice for delivering the goods.***