Jim Thome Signs with the Twins

Remember the other day, when I posted all that nonsense about Jim Thome possibly landing with the Texas Rangers?

Forget it.

According to Kelly Thesier of MLB.com, the 40-year-old slugger will get $3 million in guaranteed money from teh Minnesota Twins...plus incentives based on playing time

Last season, Thome hit .283 with 25 home runs and 59 RBI in 340 plate appearances for Minnesota.  His career total of 589 home runs ranks him eighth all-time.

It's Official...Jose Canseco is on The Apprentice

The worst kept secret is out of the bag (The Hall told you about it back in October)...Jose Canseco is a contestant on the upcoming installment of "The Apprentice".

NBC made it official with a press release today...here's the story courtesy of ET Online:

What drama might unfold when the likes of LaToya Jackson, Gary Busey and "Real Housewife" NeNe Leakes vie for the title of "The Celebrity Apprentice"?

Also competing for Donald Trump's approval will be Star Jones, Lisa Rinna, Marlee Matlin, Dionne Warwick, David Cassidy, John Rich, former "Survivor" champ Richard Hatch, Meat Loaf, Mark McGrath, retired baseball badboy Jose Canseco, rapper Lil Jon, model Niki Taylor and reigning Playboy Playmate of the Year Hope Dworaczyk.

"I am thrilled at the return of 'The Celebrity Apprentice,'" executive producer Mark Burnett said in a statement. "It has become America's Sunday night guilty pleasure, while at the same time, raising millions for charity. This season is the best yet. Buckle your seatbelts."

You'll remember back in November when news came that the former MVP broke a tooth while eating pizza during a challenge.  Ouch...that'll be a painful episode.

The show returns Sunday, March 6 on the peacock network...and I've gotta tell you, I'm excited to Canseco back on television. Dude was actually entertaining while he was on VH1's The Surreal Life a few years back. That said...I'm more excited that Gary Busey will be competing for Trump's eye.

Gary. Effing. Busey!

Vinny Castilla Falls in a Forest...Wait, I Think I Got That Wrong

The question "when a tree falls in a lonely forest, and no animal is near by to hear it, does it make a sound?" originated (according to Wikipedia) in the 1910 book Physics by Charles Riborg Mann and George Ransom Twiss.

Perhaps it should be changed following the official retirement of Vinny Castilla, but something tells me that "if Vinny Castilla retires from professional baseball during a press conference at Hector Espino Stadium in Hermosillo, Mexico...does anyone care" doesn't have the same ring to it.

Here's the news...courtesy of the blog Baseball Mexico:

Major League Baseball’s all-time leader in career homers among Mexican-born players is hanging up his glove and spikes for good. Vinny Castilla, the 43-year-old third baseman whose 2010-11 winterball season with the Hermosillo Naranjeros concluded this month with an opening round playoff loss to Obregon, announced his retirement as a player Monday.

"This was my last season," said Castilla during the emotional press conference. "I would have liked to retire with this team as a champion.  Unfortunately, we could not do that."

The third baseman wrapped up his Major League career in 2007 with 320 home runs and 1105.  His career batting average is .276.  A member of the Colorado Rockies' inaugural season in 1993, Castilla holds the distinction of being the last active player from that team at the time of his retirement.

The next stop for Vinny Castilla...he's expected to be a finalist on the 2012 Hall of Fame ballot a year from now.

Kerry Wood Inks Deal to Become Cubs Broadcaster...or Not

When the Chicago Cubs announced they were bringing back Kerry Wood, you knew something was up.

It just didn't smell right.

Why would a guy leave, according to numerous sources, at least two two-year $10 million offers on the table to go back to the same team who gave up on him following the 2008 season? 

And furthermore, why would he sign with said team for a paltry $1.5 million plus incentives?!?

"It boils down to what's comfortable and where I wanted to play, and this is the best fit for both," Wood said during a press conference last month. "This is where I want to play."

Nope...it ain't that easy.

Well, on Wednesday, came the whispers...part of Wood's deal with the Cubs included an agreement that he would move into the broadcast booth when he is finished playing baseball.

Ah ha...that has to be it!

According to ESPNChicago.com, Cubs chairman Tom Ricketts (of CBS's "Undercover Boss" fame) promised the hardthrowing righty a broadcasting job in the future.

But then...the Chicago Tribune posted this nugget on their website:

We spoke with Wood and he laughed about the report. "That is completely untrue," he said. "I have no interest in broadcasting when my playing days are over. That has never been something that I saw myself doing."

Now, I'm confused. 
 
Is it possible that oft-injured might just be a good guy?  Is it possible that his claims to keep his family close to home (his wife is from surburban Waukegan) might be true?  Is it possible that there actually IS a thing called the "hometown discount"?

I guess so.

Now...I went through that whole exercise to bring you to this one.  Did you know that the Cubs actually had to POST Ron Santo's old job? 

I mean, I get it.  I've interviewed, hired and fired my share of employees in the past and I understand how, legally, you've gotta do what you've gotta do...but still do we need to see THIS?

WGN Radio seeks on-air talent to serve as analyst for broadcasts of Chicago Cubs games

Preferred candidate will have played with the Chicago Cubs -- or played major league baseball with previous broadcast experience as a game analyst.

Materials to:  Cubs Game Analyst, WGN Radio, 435 North Michigan Avenue, Chicago, IL 60611

WGN Radio is an Equal Opportunity Employer

What "preferred candidate" is actually searching the internets looking for analyst jobs?  Is Tim Stoddard really out there banging away on his keyboard looking for jobs?

Something tells me that could probably make a few calls, see who is free and make a hire.

OR...they could flip on ESPN's Baseball Tonight or the MLB Network and snatch up any one of the misfits (Dave Valle anyone?) those networks trot out on a nightly basis.

Kevin Chanel Remembers "Trevor Time"

You're going to see, hear and read a lot of stories about the retirement of all-time saves leader Trevor Hoffman...and rightfully so.

Frankly, the career eulogy banged out by my friend Kevin Chanel has them all beat.

I am forever indebted to Trevor Hoffman.

Back in 1995 my pal Hurricane Jr. and I were at a summer ballgame at the good ol’ Qualcomm. It’s no surprise, the Q’ was a shithole. Multi-purpose, but none of them optimal, it housed an equally ehhh product, the blazingly soporific Bochy-era Padres. Some teams were built on speed, others on power, some on pitching. Boch’s teams were adept at avoiding those trappings. They were built on bland.

One of the “keep ‘em in their seats” ploys of the time was the between-innings alternative to dot racing, the “show the players as fun-lovin’ Joes” break. For this particular half-inning we were presented with three players, presenting the three options for tunes you would be forced to hear in the next half-inning. Predictably, one player (we’ll just call him “Phil Plantier” for lack of a good memory) chose the very predictable Hotel California. Hey what do you expect? They’re ballplayers. Song number two, probably something by Journey. Who knows. But the LAST tune was fan favorite Trevor Hoffman’s get-on-your-seats-and-pump-your-fist anthem, Every Day Is Sunday by Morrissey.

Yup, Morrissey.

You can read the rest over at Kevin's site Bugs and Cranks...you won't be disappointed.

The Zavstache is Back!

When Clay Zavada hit the scene in 2009, he won over the hearts of many with both his ability and that beautiful Rollie Fingers-esque mustache.

Last year, an arm injury (and subsequent Tommy John surgery) sidelined the reliever for the season.

Well, prepare to cheer again, gang...the Zavstache is back!

According to Nick Piecoro from azcentral.com...the Arizona Diamondbacks have re-signed the 26 year-old Streator (Illinois) native to a minor league deal with an invitation to spring training.

Zavada was 3-3 with a 3.35 ERA in 49 games in 2009.  Following the season, he even took home the top prize at The American Mustache Institute's annual Stache Bash.

"As a proud person of Mustached American heritage and 2009 winner of the Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year," Dr. Aaron Perlut, Chairman of the Board of the American Mustache Institute said of Zavada's return to baseball, "we anticipate Mr. Zavada's transition from Tommy John surgery to be seamless and impressive, and demonstrate once again that in sports, there is no greater performance enhancer than a mustache."

 

The wonderfully follicled lefty is currently assigned to the Diamondback's AAA affiliate, the Reno Aces.

Trevor Hoffman Calls it a Career

And without throwing a pitch...Mariano Rivera is now your active saves leader.

Unable to find a team to take a chance on him and a rocky (at best) 2010 campaign, Trevor Hoffman has decided to put an end to his 18-year career.

"It's time to retire. It's time to move on," Hoffman told MLB.com. "This is more of a self-evaluation. I expect to pitch at a certain level and I had to be honest with myself that I wasn't certain I could maintain that anymore."

After making his seventh All-Star team in 2009, his numbers took a dip in 2010.  He blew five of his first ten save chances...and finished with only ten saves and a 5.89 ERA. 

For his career, the 43-year-old finished with 601 saves, a 2.87 ERA and as the all-time leader in games finished.

Hoffman should waltz into the Hall of Fame alongside Ken Griffey Jr. in July 2016, but given the nutso voting habits of the BBWAA of late...it's hard to predict what exactly will play out.

The San Diego Padres are planning a press conference Wednesday at PETCO Park to announce Hoffman's new gig with the ballclub. And yes...this is the same team that once released their long-time closer via fax.

Ted Williams Arrested!

I know what you're thinking, but no, not former Boston Red Sox legend Ted Williams...that dude is off frozen somewhere (alledgedly).  But...I can see where you'd make the confusion with this being a baseball site and all.

That said, in a thinly veiled attempt to cash in on the internet phenomenon of the last week (remember all the traffic I once got for dropping "Two Girls One Cup" into conversation?)...word is that the aptly named "Golden Voice" was arrested last night in Hollywood.

Read this blurb from, of all places, a site called Gossip Cop:

Ted Williams, the man with the golden-voice who became an Internet sensation and TV darling last week, was picked up by the police last night after a disturbance in a Hollywood hotel.  The formerly homeless Williams, who has battled drug and alcohol problems, got into a heated argument with his daughter at the Renaissance hotel, say sources.

Well, that was a fun ride, Ted...you sure did clean up well for that week.

Since 1991, Williams has been arrested six times for robbery, escape, forgery, drug possession and as recently as May for first degree theft.  You can check out a gallery of his mugshots anywhere (everywhere?) on the internet.