Canadian John Axford Wins Mustached American Award

Milwaukee Brewers pitcher John Axford accomplished plenty in the past month.

First, with 46 saves, the closer set a franchise record and topped the National League in the category.

Next, he led the Milwaukee Brewers to the National League Championship Series for the first time in 29 years.

This past Friday...he was named the 2011 Mustached American of the Year by the American Mustache Institute.

And, yeah, we endorsed him.  Kinda.

“We are honored to give this award to the Ax man,” said AMI Chairman Aaron Perlut. “Even though he is Canadian, we believe John represents everything else the Mustached American community values: humor, intelligence and good looks. He is also very tall.”

Axford, who sports a menacing Fu Manchu-style mustache, won the award with more than half of all the nearly 1,000,000 votes cast online. 

Second place went to Bob Kevioan of the nationally syndicated Bob & Tom Radio show.

“I’ve been growing this bad boy out for four or five months but I realized now that it’s not even about growing a mustache out, it’s about representing the community well,” said a humble Axford. “It’s unbelievable. To say that a Canadian if finally winning and Robert Goulet was born of French Canadian parents, it helps it become more of a North American award.”

Can someone please go update this dude's Wikipedia page to reflect this honor?

Tony LaRussa Retires

After the St. Louis Cardinals won the World Series last week, every indication was that manager Tony LaRussa was planning on returning for season 17.

Now...not so much.

Turns out he’s decided to go out on top.

The four-time Manager of the Year announced his retirement during a Monday press conference just 35 wins away from passing John McGraw for second place on the all-time list behind Connie Mack.

And as the news is circulating around the internet...Cardinals outfielder Jon Jay was the first of LaRussa's former minions to hit up the Twitters.

Congrats to Coach LaRussa on a Hall of Fame career, I am honored to have learned so much from a legend. All the best to the LaRussa family!

La Russa, 67, goes out a champion after leading the Cardinals to their second World Series championship in six years.  The akipper also won the 1989 World Series with the Oakland A's.

My pick to replace LaRussa?  Kyle Lohse...as Tony LaRussa.

Yup..."Baseball Wives"

I guess it was bound to happen, right?

Given the success (I guess?) of its other "wives" shows ("Basketball Wives", "Mob Wives", etc.)...VH1 has announced their latest venture.

Yup..."Baseball Wives".

The cast includes Anna Benson (wife of pitcher Kris Benson), Tanya Grace (ex-wife of former first baseman and legendary "slump buster" Mark Grace), Chantel Kendall (ex-wife of catcher Jason Kendall), Brooke Villone (wife of journeyman reliever Ron Villone) and Jordana Lenz (girlfriend of Nyjer Morgan).

Now, I have zero plans to watch this thing and, I'll be honest, I enjoy my fair share of garbage on television.

But until they can get me a show where Kelly Ripken addresses the rumors of her and Kevin Costner almost busting up Cal's consecutive games streak...count me out.

Season two maybe? Fingers crossed.

Of course, if you can't wait until this inevitable piece of shit to premiere on November 30, you can hit up one of the four thousand slideshows Bleacher Report has dedicated to Baseball "WAGS".

Kill me now.

Is Ryne Sandberg Next in Line in Chicago?

Here we go again.

First...it was Theo Epstein being spotted at a Starbucks.  And we all saw how that played out.

Now...it's Hall of Famer and Chicago Cubs great Ryne Sandberg walking the streets of the Windy City.

"We were coming back from lunch, walking east on Walton toward Michigan Avenue," lifelong Cubs fan Frank Mark told the Chicago Tribune. "All of a sudden, I see three people, two ladies and a guy. I eyeballed the guy and said, 'Holy smoke, that's Sandberg.' I'm 99 percent sure it was him. He had the same build, the same slick-backed hair."

To make matter worse...Sandberg also reportedly dined Tuesday night at Japonais.

And we all know how the former second baseman loves his "signature Japanese cuisine that seamlessly fuses innovative presentations, flavors and ingredient pairings."

So...what are the odds of the Hall of Famer becoming Epstein's main man?

"I think there'd be a better chance of Ryno becoming a base coach or something like that. They have to get the Mike Quade question answered first," CSNChicago.com's Cubs Insider Patrick Mooney weighed in after the Epstein press conference Tuesday.

The new Cubs president  interviewed Sandberg for Boston's Triple-A managing job in Pawtucket last year after Quade beat out Sandberg for the Cubs' top job. Sandberg turned it down since he had already had committed to a similar job within the Philadelphia Phillies organization.

Wake me up when Ron Cey comes waddling out of the Lincoln Park Zoo.

Mr. Holland's Mustache

St. Louis Cardinals general manager John Mozeliak has been called a lot of things: bright, shrewd, sharp, a hilarious jokester, and a swell square dancer.

Possibly we should add "ignorant" to that list.

Allow friend of The Hall (and chairman of the American Mustache Institute) Dr. Aaron Perlut explain.

About a year ago, I wrote that I had asked Mozeliak whether he was concerned about the lack of mustaches on the Cardinals and the impact that it's having on overall team performance.

He calmly looked at me, seated to the side of the room wearing a large afro wig, tuxedo t-shirt, and plastic red shoes...and then looked back to the rest of the audience and simply said "No."

He moved on as if it was a non-factor, a joke.

Enter Derek Holland, and his lower nose accoutrement.

In Game Four of the 2011 World Series, the Texas Rangers' Mustached American southpaw threw two-hit ball for 8 1/3 innings to beat the St. Louis Cardinals 4-0 and even things at two-all.

Holland and his luxurious lip sweater struck out seven, walked two and never was in trouble...coming within two outs of pitching the first complete-game shutout in the World Series since Jose Beckett's gem for Florida to clinch the 2003 title at Yankee Stadium.

FOX Sports analyst Tim McCarver noted during the network's coverage, "The mustache is very important."

Opposing player David Freese of the Cardinals said of the Hollandstache, "I love it. It adds some character. It might even add a little bit to that sinker."

Ironically, I received multiple text messages during the game asking me what I thought of Mr. Holland's Mustache, suggesting it was a "bad" mustache. I simply reminded them that there is no such thing as a bad mustache...just bad people who do not own, nor operate, mustaches.

Mozeliak, a scarf-wearing bare-faced mortal, fails to recognize the impact the Mustache Factor has had on his ballclub, as well as on Major League Baseball altogether.

Consider this:

FACT: Jason Giambi's career was near dead in 2007, until he grew his mouth umbrella and nearly made the all-star team.

FACT: In 2009, the Cardinals grew team mustaches and finished in first place with 91 victories and made the playoffs. In 2010, minus any team mustaches with the exception of stalwart Jason LaRue, the team won 86 games and did not qualify for postseason play.

FACT: In 2009, a densely mustached Brendan Ryan was playing all-star caliber baseball. In 2010, minus the lip cabana, his fall was embarrassing and precipitous.

FACT: In 2009, Rick Ankiel was hitting .70 higher with nasal foliage. The moment he shaved it, his batting average dropped voluminously and then he was hurt crashing into the outfield wall whereas a mouth brow would have cushioned the blow.

FACT: Prior to the 2010 season, Minnesota Twins pitcher Carl Pavano's career was virtually dead. With a furrowed upper lip, he won 17 games, which he shaved in 2011 and floundered once again.

Science, good looks nor historical data simply doesn't lie, and John Mozeliak would be well-served to become a greater student of history, as well as purchasing an afro wig, tuxedo shirt, and plastic red shoes, and to consider the Mustache Factor this offseason as he's rebuilding his club.

Obligatory Football Post...Part Two

As the NFL season continues to chug along...it's time to, again, break out the obligatory football post.  The Hall has randomly hooked up with Brian Tinsman from the Washington Redskins to bring to you, yes, you...the "Redskins Hall of Very Good".

Here's Brian's second installment!

The Washington Redskins have gotten a lot of attention from the Pro Football Hall of Fame in recent years. In the last four years alone, the team has celebrated the inductions of Darrell Green, Art Monk, Russ Grimm and now Chris Hanburger in 2011.

Each player, however, had to wait more than the minimum fives years before being inducted. Hanburger alone had to wait 28 years.

Today we continue a multi-part series on Very Good Redskins and why they might possibly belong in Canton.

Len Hauss, Center

Career: 1964-1977, Redskins: 1964-1977

Why: Hauss was a dominant offensive lineman in the late 1960s and 70’s, earning five Pro Bowls in seven years. He protected great Redskins quarterbacks Sonny Jurgensen, Billy Kilmer and Joe Theismann in his career, ensuring their success.

Here’s Why Not: His impact will never be fully appreciated as he didn’t play for a champion Redskins team, but that does not detract from his own performance as a player. He has some accolades as a player, but again, does not have the historical impact necessary for the Hall of Fame.

What do you think?

 Brian Tinsman is a graduate of Marymount University and works in the front office for the Washington Redskins and owner Dan Snyder as the team’s associated writer and chief team blogger.

John Axford to Attend Annual 'Stache Bash

This just in from our friends at The American Mustache Institute.

With final preparations underway for ‘Stache Bash 2011 in Chicago, presented by Miller Lite, Milwaukee Brewers closer John Axford has announced that he will attend the charitable event on Friday, Oct. 28 in Chicago, hoping to win the “Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year” award.

“My mustache and I are rather confident that we’ll prevail as the Goulet award winner, and I owe it to the Mustached American community to attend ‘Stache Bash in hopes of winning,” said the ruggedly rugged Axford, who will lead his own Movember team.

“I have my handsome mouth escarpment on a special diet of nuts, berries, and Canadian sausages in preparation for this epic event.”

‘Stache Bash, where the Goulet will be named, will kick off the Movember, the global moustache-growing charity campaign raising awareness and funds for cancers affecting men. In the U.S., Movember funds benefit the Prostate Cancer Foundation and LIVESTRONG, the Lance Armstrong Foundation.

The Goulet award is not a best mustache contest but recognizes the person who best-represents or contributes to the Mustached American community over the past year. And clearly, despite being a Communist Canadian, Axford has distinguished himself in 2011.

“It would be a tremendous honor to become the first Canadian to win an American award named after another Canadian that represents the Mustached American people in the most North American manner,” added Axford.

During the 2010 baseball season, Axford burst onto the scene, mustache firmly entrenched upon his upper lip, and became an instant celebrity amongst Brewers fans and Mustached Americans alike.

In 2011, he cemented his reputation as the most mustache-driven professional athlete in major sports today, co-leading the National League in saves with 46, helping lead his team to their first division title since 1982, and had a 1.29 ERA in the playoffs.

The "Buckner Ball" is For Sale

25 years ago, a slow chopper went under the glove of Boston Red Sox first baseman Bill Buckner...and history was made.

Now...you can own that piece of "The Saturday Night Massacre".  That's right, the famed "Buckner Ball" is up for sale (check out the listing HERE) and owner Seth Swirsky has set his prize.

One.  Million.  Dollars.

"I love my collection. I don't think I've ever sold anything from it," Swirsky told The Associated Press. "But that ball, it's time to pass it along, to let someone else enjoy it."

You  remember our good friend Swirsky, right?  He bought the ball back in 2000 for $64,000 when he outbid Keith Olbermann and one of its former owners Charlie Sheen.

Well, I caught up with the musician/author/envy of all men and on this, the 25th anniversary of Game Six of the 1986 World Series...I bring to you the five favorite balls from his personal collection.

And, yeah, you can click on the picture of the ball to get the full story.

Reggie Jackson becomes "Mr. October"

October 18, 1977

In Game 6 of the 1977 World Series, Reggie Jackson made history when he hit three home runs off of three pitches from three separate pitchers. This ball is the third home run ball that Jackson hit that night. After he hit this home run, people started calling Jackson "Mr. October."

The longest home run in All-Star Game history

July 13, 1971

In the second inning of the 1971 All-Star game, Reggie Jackson, who was a last minute substitution for the injured Tony Oliva, hit, what is considered, through serious scientific analysis, the longest home run ever recorded in professional baseball history.

The ball hit the light tower at Tiger Stadium over 400 feet from home plate and was seen to still be rising. A study done by Wayne State University says the ball was on a trajectory to travel 650 feet!

The Beatles play Shea Stadium

August 15, 1965

This baseball was signed by all four Beatles -- John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr...on the night that they played their historic concert at Shea Stadium on August 15, 1965.

The "Last Ball of Dodgers 1955 Season"

October 4, 1955

From 1941-1956, the Brooklyn Dodgers played the New York Yankees in the World Series seven times. Of those meetings, the Dodgers lost all, but the 1955 World Series. That year, they beat the Yankees in a seven game series and gained the only World Championship for that storied franchise.

And, of course..."The Buckner Ball"

October 25, 1986

Certain distinguishing marks on an historic baseball help tell the true story of the event. After the exciting game, Arthur Richman, the Mets' traveling secretary, showed the winning ball to Mookie in the jubilant clubhouse. Mookie then wrote on the ball: "To Arthur, the ball won it for us. Mookie Wilson, 10/25/86."

You see more from Swirsky's personal collection (and learn about his other passions) over at his website.