Nolan Ryan Has No Business Doing Comedy

As Jamie Moyer turns 50 on Sunday, there are bound to be plenty of "dude is so old" posts out there on the internets.

So, with that in mind, I'm going to keep this one brief.

Moyer is so old he's the only active Major Leaguer who can tell you where he was when John F. Kennedy was assassinated. He's also so old that he's pitched in 50 different big league ballparks...and of the current parks, all but six were constructed after Moyer made his debut in 1986.

Lastly, he's so old that when his Colorado Rockies dropped the San Diego Padres last April 17, the lefty became the oldest player ever to record a big league victory.

And now, sitting just 31 wins from 300, Moyer has no plans to give up pitching.

"I'm not retired, I'm not retired. I'm just kind of laying in the weeds and just trying to figure out what's going on," Moyer said this past July after being released by the Baltimore Orioles. "I'm just going to step back after the season and assess what's going on."

Alright, I took you on this brief trip down memory lane solely to get to this.

Two weeks ago, the ageless pitcher was treated to a surprise celebratory "Roast and Toast" during the Moyer Foundation's annual Celebrity Golf Outing. Among the birthday well wishers...former teammates John Olerud, Edgar Martinez, Jim Sundberg and, believe it or not, Hall of Famer Nolan Ryan.

But if this clip is any indication, Ryan needs to stick to being a bitter old Texan...and lose the comedy routine.

Chipper Jones...Conspiracy Theorist

Even now and then, I forget what it is that I love about the internet.  Then, well, and then Chipper Jones goes and watches a movie from more than 20 years ago. 

And tweets about it.

Sure, I realize I'm late to the game on this one, but Wednesday night, the eight-time All-Star sat down and watched "JFK" on  REELZ and decided to voice his displeasure with, of all things, the findings of the Warren Commission.

Alright, here's the thing.  I can't disagree with the guy.  But what I love about this is the complete random nature that all of this popped up on Twitter.

I mean, there's Chipper Jones, deep in the wild at the Double Dime Ranch watching basic cable and deciding his 200,000-plus followers needed to know his JFK conspiracy theories.

Now, if only dude can uncover the truth about the 2012 American League MVP voting.  Am I right?

Manny Ramirez Has Still Got It

If one swing of the bat is any indication, Manny Ramirez has still got it

The 40-year-old slugger connected on the first pitch he saw during his Dominican League debut Wednesday. Ramirez, who has hit 555 homers in 19 Major League seasons, sent a Daniel Cabrera pitch over the right field fence.

"I'm not thinking about the big leagues now," Ramirez said when he joined the Los Aguilas Eagles. "Right now I'm thinking of helping the Eagles to win games and then, if any offer, then I'll think of baseball."

Me thinks Ramirez might want to continue being content banging baseballs in the Dominican because, well, that big league call back to Mannywood probably won't be coming any time soon.

The Remaining Marlins Are Confused

Last year at this time, the Miami Marlins had a new stadium, a new skipper and with the addition of some high priced free agents...a new lease on life.

This off season...well, not so much.

After seemingly trading away most of their biggest names, it's almost as if the team is trying to take a Mulligan on the 2012 season. And, naturally, those left behind took to Twitter to voice their concerns.

Slugger Giancarlo Stanton was upset.

Pitcher Ricky Nolasco was bewildered. 

And, the always outspoken Logan Morrison, well, after his bath...dude was worried that the team unloading Jose Reyes, Josh Johnson, Mark Buehrle and others to the Toronto Blue Jays might take away from him being named on some fictional "Players You'd Most Like to Party With" list.

I guess we all grieve differently, but it makes sense.

Also mentioned in the Bleacher Report piece...Grant Balfour, Matt Kemp, Tim Lincecum and Derek Jeter NOT Yunel Escobar, Henderson Alvarez or Jeff Mathis.

Agent Says Hyun-Jin Ryu is Big League Ready

Remember when the Los Angeles Dodgers new ownership group came on board and everyone predicted they'll be opening up their wallets and spending some cash on bringing in talent?

Yeah...it's a real thing.

Already in the fold for 2013 are Hanley Ramirez and Adrian Gonzalez.  Now, it would seem, you can add Korean pitcher Hyun-Jin Ryu.  You see, this weekend, the team learned that they had submitted the winning bid to talk to the lefty...for a tidy sum of $25.7 million.

And, according to his agent, Scott Boras (naturally), Ryu could immediately be the a number three starter in the Majors.

“He’s ready to pitch in the big leagues right now,” Scott Boras said. “He’s not a developmental project.”

According to Boras, the intention is for Ryu to be in the starting rotation somewhere and whether or not Los Angeles will depend on how they plan on using him.  Failure to comply might send the 25-year-old back to the Hanwha Eagles.

Ryu owns a career record of 98-52 with a 2.80 ERA in seven seasons in the Korean Baseball Organization.  In each of his seven seasons, he was named an All-Star.

In 2010, he set a KBO record with 17 strikeouts in one game.

Vice President Romney? Sure...Says "Mr. October"

For the life of me, I'm not sure why athletes (and former athletes, for that matter) need to comment on politics.

Nevermind. It's because we're all paying attention.

Earlier this week, following the Presidential election, baseball Hall of Famer Reggie Jackson felt the need to open up about how he feels the government sholuld be run.

"Just because President Obama is back in power is not as important as all of us pulling together," Jackson told USA TODAY Sports. "The best would be for Obama to be president and Romney to be vice-president. We need everyone to come together."

 

Now, I'm not opposed to the whole "come together" idea, but "Mr. October" knows how this works, right?

But, wait...there's more.

"We need to have the resolve to work together," Jackson continued. "It's like when the Yankees have a great team, it helps baseball. When the Knicks and Lakers are great teams, it helps basketball. If the Republicans and Democrats can get together, it will make our country a strong, better place, for everyone.''

Okay...I'm confused.

How is the Yankees having a great team (A) good for baseball and/or (B) anything like having both Barack Obama and Mitt Romney occupying the White House?

Ugh. How many days until pitchers and catchers report?


　

James Bond Villain or 1983 Pitcher?

Pop quiz, hotshot...have you ever looked at a random list of names and tried to figure out who is a James Bond villain and who was a pitcher during the 1983 baseball season?

Well, you're about to.

To commemorate the release of "Skyfall", the 23rd installment in the James Bond series, I present to you...JAMES BOND VILLAIN OR 1983 PITCHER.

Good luck.

1. Is Kamal Khan an exiled Afghan prince with a penchant for fine food, priceless jewels and atomic weaponry or a relief pitcher for the 1983 Atlanta Braves?

2. Is Elliot Carver a completely insane Rupert Murdoch-esque media mogul or a relief pitcher for the 1983 San Diego Padres?

3. Is Keefe Cato a scientist with a desire to control the world through the use of robotic sharks or a relief pitcher for the 1983 Cincinnati Reds?

4. Is Max Zorin a psychopathic microchip industrialist or a starting pitcher for the 1983 Seattle Mariners?

5. Is Dave Von Ohlen an Austrian-born narcissist who is attempting to clone himself or a relief pitcher for the 1983 St. Louis Cardinals?

6. Is Cecilio Guante a druglord who takes pleasure in torturing women and children or a relief pitcher for the 1983 Pittsburgh Pirates?

7. Is Brad Whitaker an American arms dealer or a starting pitcher for the 1983 San Francisco Giants?

8. Is Gorman Heimueller a former Cold War general obsessed with creating a nuclear super weapon or a starting pitcher for the 1983 Oakland A's?

9. Is Karl Stromberg is a megalomaniac planning to trigger World War III or a starting pitcher for the 1983 Houston Astros?

10. Is Raoul Silva a former government agent turned cyberterrorist or a relief pitcher for the 1983 Boston Red Sox?

Think you've got it figured out? Head HERE to check your answers...and don't forget to check out "Skyfall"!

Jeff Kent Booted from "Survivor"

When it was initially leaked that former big leaguer Jeff Kent was going to be competing on "Survivor" Philippines", conventional wisdom was that there would be no way any of the other 17 contestants would let the millionaire take home the million dollar prize.

But, fortunately for the 2000 National League MVP, his team was winning challenges and dude was becoming a major player in the game.

Heck, he became such a force that Katie Hanson, whom he helped vote out of the game complimented him during her exit interview.

　

"Jeff Kent was playing the game from the get go. He knew the right people he wanted to align with," the former Miss Delaware told Hall contributor Gordon Holmes. "He was, in my opinion, the dominant male force on our tribe."

Even friend of The Hall Albert Destrade, who placed third two seasons ago had an opinion.

　

"Jeff Kent's stubborn inflexible "returner's can't win" agenda was ultimately his undoing. If he aligns with Skupin and RC the previous week, he probably wins the season," the former college baseball player said. "A perfect example if why you only make decisions if they inherently improve your chances of winning."

Then, well, during Wednesday night's episode, the future Hall of Famer was sent packing...and if the Twittersphere is any indication, fans of the show weren't really upset to see him go.

 

Fittingly, Kent, who no doubt voted Republican on Tuesday, left with some harsh words toward no, not his fellow castaways...but Barack Obama.

"It's not even a freakin' million bucks, it's only about 600,000 after Obama takes it all," Kent said.  "This just sucks."

I guess when you've already got several million (he claims $60 million) in the bank, it's alright to be a little red-assed...especially when you finish tenth.

Here's Jeff Kent getting the boot.